Saturday, December 15, 2012

END OF DAYS


 
 

I thought I should probably write about the end of the world while I still have time.

I actually wrote about this once already in regard to Mr. Harold Camping, who predicted that the world would end on May 21, 2011. To his embarrassment (or maybe not…), he was incorrect in his assessment. I wonder what feelings are conjured up when one realizes that one has been wrong about the demise of humanity. Relief? Disappointment?

(She's getting all gussied up for the end of the world?)
 

Anyway…I’ve been sitting here at McDonald’s (most of you know that McDonald’s is not – for me – the best place for creative writing but, oh well…53 cent coffee) thinking of some of the more pleasant aspects of the end of the world, assuming that the Mayans were correct, though I’m not convinced…as one comedian has pointed out, they didn’t have pants. How advanced were they really?

Let’s think positive. I suppose you wouldn’t have to worry about your library fines. And we can all stop worrying about Charlie Sheen. Personally, I can quit worrying about cellulite, which is a good thing since it’s never going to go away. Ever.

I may as well just go ahead and cancel my gym membership. And I’m mentally thinking of all the unpleasant tasks that I might as well put off until the 22nd. I think I’ll wait to clean out my car and mop my floors. And I will not be shaving my legs. It occurs to me that we should all put off any unpleasant procedures until after the 21st. Elective surgeries…root canals…and definitely colonoscopies. It would really suck to go through a colonoscopy the day before the world ends.

I know some of you are probably thinking “how can she be so flippant about such a serious topic? That’s terrible.” The truth is that I’m not that worried. I think that I’ve worked it all out in my head. Since the Bible says that “no man knows the hour”, surely that would trump the Mayan calendar. These pants-less people can’t possibly have calculated the end of the world. Unless…the “no man knows the hour” is literal. Maybe the Mayans did know the day…but just not the hour. Oh, dear…I think I’ll have steak and ice cream today.

That having been said…I don’t think you should stop buying things. Like art, for example (subtle, huh?). In fact, in the spirit of the likely continuation of the world as we know it…I want to invite you all to visit my new page on Café Press. It’s an affordable way to add some of my art into your lives. Check it out! (while you can…)   http://www.cafepress.com/maryhortmanfineart